Overcoming Worry
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel that pre-pandemic there was much less to worry about. Over the last 2 years we’ve all had to cope with the impact the pandemic has had on our lives, with that impact unfortunately being far more challenging for some than for others. Then, just as we thought we were getting over the pandemic, the horrific war in Ukraine started, the cost-of-living crisis erupted, the economy started shrinking, and the news is full of political uncertainty. And, we still have all the usual pressures and worries we face in our personal and professional lives.
Faced with all this uncertainty, an almost constant level of worry seems to have become the new normal for many people.
However, this doesn’t have to be the case. Whilst, unfortunately, there’s no magic wand to make the global crises go away, when you understand a bit more about why we worry, you can implement some simple practices to help stop the habit loops and reduce your feelings of overwhelm.
Why we worry
Our brains crave certainty. They were designed to keep us safe back in prehistoric times, a time when uncertainty about what lay around the corner or where our next meal would come from was often a matter of life or death.
The pre-frontal cortex (PFC) is a part of our brain that has evolved to be responsible for functions such as planning and creativity. Like a computer algorithm, the PFC tries to predict the future based on things that have happened in the past.
Let’s take an example. Lucy’s employer has announced there will be a restructure and, consequently, some redundancies. Lucy went through this process with a previous employer. She was made redundant but easily found another job. She’s also got a savings pot that will provide a buffer if necessary. Additionally, she knows that she’s been doing a really good job and her boss thinks a lot of her. Her PFC can draw on her relevant experience and information about her situation and make a fairly accurate prediction of what could happen.
However, if the PFC lacks sufficient data to make an accurate prediction – if Lucy had never been made redundant before, her financial situation was unstable, she had a new boss who barely knew her, she hadn’t applied for a new job in 20 years – the PFC will start to run through lots of different possibilities to try to identify what might happen. This is when the brain starts doing all that ‘what if’ thinking that often results in lots of worst-case scenarios.
To try to allay this uncertainty, we seek out more information. For Lucy, that could mean talking to colleagues about what they think might happen. Often nowadays, we turn to the internet or news or social media to seek out more information, a search that can be endless and may exacerbate the worry as more and more possibilities are identified.
Consequently, the PFC starts to spin out of control - you feel over-whelmed, and the PFC effectively goes ‘off-line.’ The older, more primitive part of the brain that drives our fight, flight or freeze response to threats is then left in charge. You can’t focus on what you really need to do – you procrastinate or completely avoid tasks or situations. You may struggle to sleep as your mind whirs and your heart pounds. You find yourself irritable and short-tempered, and you may experience headaches, stomach problems and muscle tension.
To break this spiral of worry you need to become aware of it happening and the consequences it has for you.
Identify your worry habit loops
The next time you find yourself worrying, take the time to really notice what is going on for you:
What triggered your worry?
What do you do/experience – i.e., what thoughts do you have, what physical sensations, what emotions do you experience, what actions do you do/not do?
What is the outcome? Consider here both short-term and long-term consequences.
For Lucy, this might look like:
Announcement that there will be some redundancies at work.
Thinking that she will probably be made redundant. Thinking that finding another job will be difficult. Thinking that she will struggle to pay her mortgage and may even lose her house and end up homeless (catastrophic thinking). Her heart pounds, her hands are sweaty, she feels sick and is unable to concentrate on her work.
Misses a deadline for handing in a report she was working on. This increases her anxiety as she now thinks it is even more likely that she’ll be made redundant.
It can be very helpful to write down these worry habit loops as they occur so that you build up a picture of your experience of worrying.
Break the worry habit loop
Simply starting to increase your awareness of your worry habit loops can help you to break the cycle.
Other simple techniques that can be helpful are:
Use a breathing technique, such as box breathing (see below) to help regulate the physiological response that goes along with feelings of anxiety and to focus the mind on the present moment. Using breathing techniques can be a highly effective way to quickly regain control, break the spiral of worry, and allow yourself to think clearly again.
Take a moment to pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that you’re having. Notice them, and then name them, e.g. say to yourself ‘I notice that I’m having the thought that I won’t be able to pay my bills,’ or, ‘I notice that I’m having the sensation that my heart is pounding.’ This technique allows you to create some space between you and the thought/feeling that you’re having which can be very effective in helping stop a spiral of unhelpful thoughts and prevent the PFC from spinning out of control.
Schedule worry time
Another helpful technique if you find that you are prone to worrying throughout the day is to schedule a specific time each day when you are allowed to worry. Ideally this should be at the same time each day and time limited (e.g. to 15 or 20 minutes). A good time to do this is late afternoon (don’t do too close to going to bed).
If worries arise at other times during the day, simply make a note of them and tell yourself that you’ll deal with them during your scheduled time.
When it is your scheduled time, allow your worries to flow. Allow yourself to think through all those possible scenarios, including the worst-case scenarios. Writing them down can be very beneficial as many people find this ‘gets them out of their head.’ Often people find that when they allow them self to worry and face the catastrophic scenario, it is not as scary as they originally thought.
At the end of your worry time, engage in a pleasant activity or perhaps make a list of three things that you are grateful for so that you return to your daily activities with a more positive mindset.
Distinguish your productive and unproductive worries
A certain amount of worry can be helpful if it leads us to take action on something. It is important to distinguish whether what you are worrying about is something within your control or not. If something isn’t within your sphere of control, then you need to accept that lack of control. If, however, it is within your sphere of control, create an action-plan of what you could do to deal with the worry.
Returning to the example of Lucy – she probably has little control over whether she gets made redundant or not. However, she has some control over what happens if she does get made redundant so she could make a list of actions that she could do and perhaps make a start on some of these (such as updating her CV) so that she would be more prepared if the worst was to happen.
Limit use of social media and the news
A final step that you can take to reduce the worry that you’re experiencing is to be very mindful of your exposure to social media and the news. Remember that these channels make money by driving audience engagement and fear sells. Limit and carefully curate your use of these channels to avoid being fed a constant diet of negative, fear-inducing news and stories. Much of what you see on these channels has no direct relevance to your life and is outside your sphere of control, so there is no point wasting your energy worrying about it.
It can feel like we live in very challenging times and that there is an increasing amount to worry about. However, by using these techniques you can bolster your ability to deal more effectively with worries and allow yourself to get on with living your life.
Breaking free from frequent worry can be difficult, especially when this is something that you’ve experienced for a long time. If you’d like to learn more about how to overcome worry, contact me to arrange a FREE initial consultation.
