7 steps to overcome fears and phobias
In my previous blog, I outlined the 3 most common mistakes people make when trying to overcome fears and phobias and how these can cause fears and phobias to persist and even worsen. In this blog, I’m sharing the 7 steps you need to undertake in order to overcome fears and phobias.
The most effective (supported by extensive research and clinical evidence) way to overcome fears and phobias is through exposure to the fear.
Now, the idea of that probably fills you with horror, so please bear with me!
Through exposure to the feared situation, object, or activity, rather than avoiding it, you start to learn that you can cope with it, that you are safe, that it’s not as bad as you were imagining.
And maybe you’re thinking ‘well I have been exposed to it – I still go to the dentist but it’s always a terrifying experience.’
There are several important differences however between ‘unplanned’ exposure (i.e. just putting yourself through it) and planned exposure:
· In unplanned exposure, the situation is often unpredictable and uncontrollable.
· Your fear may be too high to allow for any therapeutic benefit.
· You may seek escape from the situation too quickly, before you get a chance to feel a sense of accomplishment.
· The situation occurs infrequently.
· The use of safety-seeking behaviours may prevent true exposure.
· Lack of a clear coping plan for the situation leaves you stuck with the same level of fear.
If your fear or phobia is mild, then there are some simple steps that you can use to help cope with it, and by taking action while the fear is still mild, you can prevent it turning into a more severe fear or phobia.
Step 1 - your ‘why’
Take a moment to think about (perhaps write in your journal if you have one), why you want to overcome this fear or phobia? What is it stopping you doing, or what is it making more difficult for you? What impact is it having on your life? What would be different if you no longer had this fear or phobia?
This is your motivation, your ‘why’.
Step 2 - plan your experiment
Plan your exposure ‘experiment.’ Identify an upcoming occurrence of the feared situation, or plan one in if you don’t have one naturally occurring (for example, if you’re afraid of speaking up in meetings, plan an upcoming meeting where you will test out these steps).
Regard this process as an experiment, as if you are a scientist testing out a hypothesis.
Step 3 - notice your anticipatory anxiety
As the feared situation approaches, become aware of your anticipatory anxiety. How do you feel – is your heart pounding, your stomach churning? What thoughts are going through your head. What do you expect will happen in the feared situation? You may find that at least some of your fears are irrational – that’s normal. Write it all down. This may be the first time that you’ve allowed yourself to face these thoughts and simply getting them out of your head and onto paper can be helpful rather than them just going round and round in your mind.
Notice any desire to avoid the situation.
On a scale of 0-10, where 0 is completely unafraid and 10 is the most afraid you can imagine, rate your level of fear regarding the situation.
On a scale of 0-10, where 0 is no confidence at all and 10 is complete confidence, rate how confident you feel about your ability to cope with the situation.
Step 4 - your coping strategy
Plan your coping strategy. The feelings of stress and anxiety that we experience in feared situations are a normal physiological response. They can feel very uncomfortable, but they are not dangerous. However, it can be helpful to have a few coping strategies to hand to help lower the stress response when engaging in exposure exercises.
Breathing techniques (such as the ones outlined here) are a great way to quickly override the fight or flight response (do practice these in advance when you’re not stressed so that you get used to using them).
Grounding techniques can also be a very helpful way to bring you back to the present moment by engaging all the senses. My favourite is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique:
· Notice 5 things you can see.
· Notice 4 things you can hear.
· Notice 3 things you can touch.
· Notice 2 things you can smell.
· Notice 1 thing you can taste.
Prepare some coping statements that you can repeat to yourself in the situation to help you get through it. This could be statements such as ‘I am safe, I can cope with this.’ Or ‘Whatever happens, I will be OK. I can handle this.’ Come up with a couple of statements that resonate to you.
Using self-instruction can also be very helpful (i.e. talk yourself through the situation as if you were guiding someone else through it. E.g. if you have a spider phobia (arachnophobia) and need to remove a spider from the house, talk yourself through getting a glass, carefully placing the glass over the spider, sliding a piece of cardboard under the glass, and so on).
Finally, have a ‘when-then’ plan. You can’t (and shouldn’t try to) plan for every eventuality but thinking through a few likely scenarios of things that could happen and having a plan to deal with them can be helpful. For example, if you have a fear of driving, and you worry about driving somewhere unfamiliar and getting lost, think through ahead of time what you’ll do if that happens, e.g. if I get lost, I’ll pull over for a moment somewhere safe. I’ll calm myself with some box breathing (see here), I’ll reassure myself that I can handle this, and I’ll ask someone for directions.
Step 5 - imaginal rehearsal
Before you undertake the experiment, take a moment to imagine yourself in the situation and coping as you would like to with the situation. Mentally rehearse what you will do, including using your coping strategy. This imaginal rehearsal starts to form new neural pathways making it more likely that you’ll be able to act in your desired way in the real-life situation.
Step 6 - undertake your experiment
As you undertake your experiment, use your coping strategies to help you stay in the situation as long as possible. The longer you can stay in the situation, the more that you will get used to it and you should find that your feelings of anxiety start to subside.
Step 7 - review
At the end of the experiment, refer back to your journal and write what actually happened, including your actual level of fear and how confident you felt in the situation. Compare these ratings to your anticipated ratings. Did the actual situation match your expectations? What can you learn from this experiment? If it went well, plan the next experiment, perhaps making it a bit more challenging. If it didn’t go well, what might need to change in future?
Either way, be sure to congratulate yourself for the work that you have done and recognise the progress that you’ve made.
Overcoming fears and phobias can be challenging however, so don’t feel disheartened if you found this more difficult than you’d expected. You don’t have to let fears and phobias hold you back though. Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy is a highly effective and proven way to overcome fears and phobias. If you’d like to arrange a chat to find out more, click here to message me.
