Has your usual confidence gone MIA since you’ve reached midlife? 

Symptoms such as hot flushes, night sweats, and mood swings are some of the more well-known effects of the hormonal changes that perimenopause and menopause bring.

However, something that is talked about much less, is that many women also experience a loss of confidence during this time. 

So what causes this loss of confidence, and what can be done about it?  Read on to find out.

Causes of loss of confidence during midlife and menopause

There are a lot of factors that can contribute to a loss of confidence during this time, including: -

• Anxiety.  Anxiety can leave you constantly questioning yourself and fearing what might happen.  This can impact all areas of life, including work, your social life, and even impacting on things such as your confidence in driving.

• Low mood.  Experiencing periods of low mood can cause you to put yourself down and to withdraw from others.

• Brain fog.  When you’re struggling to think clearly or to remember things, your confidence in your own abilities can take a significant knock.

• The unpredictability of hot flushes and the difficulties of dealing with heavy periods and flooding can reduce your confidence in doing certain things or going certain places.

• Sleep problems.  Fatigue resulting from a lack of sleep can lead you to avoid socialising and questioning your ability to do certain tasks, especially work-related tasks.

• Physical changes.  Changing body shape, skin problems, thinning hair, and general ageing can all have a big impact on confidence, especially given the cultural pressures on women to look a certain way and remain youthful.

Moreover, midlife is a time when many other changes may be occurring that can impact on your confidence levels – changing family dynamics, loss of parents, work-related changes – as well as a realisation that time is passing by – perhaps life hasn’t worked out the way you expected it to, or perhaps you haven’t achieved what you expected to have achieved by this stage of life.  In the workplace you may be seeing younger colleagues racing past you on the career ladder.  At home, your teenage children may regard you as ‘past it.’

You’re probably experiencing several of these, at least, so it’s little wonder that your confidence may have taken a knock.

How to get your confidence back

To understand how best to boost your confidence, you first need to increase your awareness of what may be impacting on your confidence.

Consider the possible causes detailed above – which of those apply to you? 

Then consider what impact your loss of confidence is having on your life.  What is it stopping you doing?  How is it impacting on your work or relationships? 

If your drop in confidence is related to other symptoms of the menopause, then you may want to speak to your GP about treatment options for those symptoms.  If HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) is right for you and something you want to try, it may help to ease other symptoms which can in turn give your confidence a boost. 

It isn’t the only solution, however.  There are many things that you can do to boost your confidence, including: -

• Stress management and relaxation – learning and practicing ways to effectively manage stress and allow yourself to relax can help you to feel more confident.  It can also help reduce other symptoms of the menopause, such as hot flushes and even some skin problems, which will in turn will give your confidence a boost.

• Mindfulness – practicing mindfulness can involve formal meditation as well as informal mindful awareness throughout your day.  Both types of practice can help you to develop a non-judgemental awareness of your thoughts and emotions so that you are less hooked by them.  This can help you to let go of anxious and self-critical thoughts, allowing you to get on and do the things that matter most to you.

• Hypnosis can be a great way to replace unhelpful thinking patterns and beliefs with helpful ones.  It is also a great way to let go of fears and anxiety, and to rehearse ways of being more confident. 

• Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) looks at how our thoughts, actions, and feelings all interact and focuses on identifying and then changing unhelpful patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving.  It can be highly effective in treating anxiety, low mood, insomnia, and phobias, giving you a beneficial side-effect of increased confidence.

• Exercise can also help to boost confidence.  The release of endorphins and oxytocin will boost your mood, and exercising may help to reduce weight gain or simply make you feel better about your body.

Act first, confidence will follow

A common misconception about confidence is that we need to feel confident before we can take action.  However, it’s actually the other way around.  We build confidence through the things we do.  It’s just that our minds are very good at talking us out of doing things, coming up with excuses for why we can’t do something. 

One way you can help to re-build your confidence is to set yourself little challenges that will push you out of your comfort zone.  Maybe it would be striking up a conversation with a stranger in a shop.  Maybe trying out a new exercise class.  Maybe it’s putting yourself forward to be involved in a new project at work.    You may feel nervous and uncomfortable at first.  That’s normal.  But if you can allow those feelings to be there and do it anyway,  you’ll feel a sense of achievement afterwards and next time it will be a little easier. Next time you’ll feel a little more confident.  

What little challenges could you set yourself to start regaining your confidence?

Take a problem solving approach

Consider any practical steps that could help too.  If you’re finding you’re struggling with your memory, create a ‘second brain.’  Whether you use a notebook/diary/post it notes, or do it digitally, get your to dos, reminders, plans, etc. out of your head and captured somewhere that you can easily access. 

Think about anything you could do to prepare for hot flushes or heavy periods. 

Is there any support from your workplace that could be helpful?  This could be anything from managing your workload to being able to open a window.

Be kind to yourself

Berating yourself for how you feel will not make things better.  Acknowledging how you feel and then giving yourself some gentle words of encouragement will.

Finally, though loss of confidence during midlife is common, it isn’t talked about much and this fuels the sense that you are the only one who is experiencing it.  Try opening up to others about how you’re feeling – you may be surprised by how many feel the same.  You may also get encouraging words from others that help to boost your confidence.

And the good news is that many women find that as they come out the other side of menopause, they feel even more confident and self-assured.

If you’d like to chat about how I can help you to restore your confidence so that you can get on with doing the things that matter to you, click here to arrange a free insight call.